me and aimee went to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting this weekend. she had to observe an open therapy/counseling session for class. Instead of laying low and being “Anonymous,” when they asked if this was anyone’s first meeting, without thinking, I raised my hand. The rest of the meeting was dedicated to “the first step” and trying to encourage me to admit I had a problem with alcohol.
I was more or less mortified. I had also just gotten over a cold and was struggling not to cough during people’s testimonies, clenching my jaw, closing my eyes, etc. Combined with the sweat-inducing knowledge that I was unwittingly impersonating someone in genuine need of support, I probably looked convincingly like someone struggling or suffering…
After the meeting, we were approached by many of the people there. They earnestly and eagerly sought our friendship, offering their names and phone numbers and encouraging us to call and keep coming back to meetings. By this time I was so deep I couldn’t possibly break the truth to them…So I just thanked them and promised I would call before I had another drink.
The icing on the cake is that several days later I caught myself thinking that one of those guys seemed pretty cool (he was young and mentioned that he liked some good music) and was so nice and really seemed like he wanted to be my friend and help me (help me to stop drinking) and I wondered if I could call him up and explain the situation and still be friends. The thought even crossed my mind to go back to the meeting and just continue masquerading as a recovering alcoholic as a ploy to make new friends. I am Jack’s ironic, delusional desperation for friendship.